NEVER thought I'd have to explain this, but here we are.
I, without any shame, bottle feed Bruce. Sue me.
Let me explain.
This evening last year Bruce stopped breathing. He. Stopped. Breathing. He turned blue, went limp, game over.
I posted a picture from my TimeHop (the first one of him being *gasp* bottle fed, nasal cannula and all). I mentioned how after the interview we had about his fundraiser, he ate, and then later in the evening he STOPPED BREATHING...and literally...literally somebody said, "You should have breastfed him..."
Um. What? Turn to picture two in this little slide show. Jet ventilator. You can't breastfeed a ventilated baby. YOU CAN'T BREASTFEED A VENTILATED BABY!!!!!
Fun fact. The sucking reflex does not begin to develop till you are about 32 weeks pregnant (or are a preemie who is at 32 weeks gestation). And it isn't fully developed till 36 weeks gestation!!!
Bruce was born at 25 weeks. So his sucking reflex wouldn't be fully developed for AT LEAST 11 more weeks. So, another fun fact, you can't breastfeed a 25 weeker even if you wanted to, they don't have the sucking reflex required to do so. That's why in many of Bruce's old pictures you see that orange tube in his nose. That's an NG tube. It helped us feed him.
Turn to pictures three, four, and five. Yes, he is drinking a bottle, but guess what is in there...SURPRISE! That's my fresh boobie milk. Check out picture six! That was all mine, I pumped that.
I pumped every three hours for three months straight. I pumped until my nipples cracked and bled. I took vitamins, supplements and herbs to boost my supply. I did EVERYTHING. I tried nipple cream, I tried my own boobie juice to try to soothe my nips, and nothing helped.
When Bruce went into isolation for MRSA that was pretty much it. I needed to be back on anxiety and migraine medicine. My boobs were black and blue and it was time to do what was best for MY health as well as Bruce's.
I'm not going to be shamed for doing what was best for my health. I'm not going to be shamed for doing what was best for Bruce's health!
Mom shaming has to stop. Stop with this breast is best bullshit. What is best is whatever the hell you are able to do in the situation you are in. You do you.
I feel bad for not bringing this topic up sooner. When I stopped pumping I never really brought it up because I was ashamed of myself. I spent too much time crying over it, I didn't want to have to explain to everyone what happened, but now on the anniversary of when Bruce stopped breathing and had to go back to NICU, I'm ready to talk. Not breastfeeding didn't cause him to stop breathing, him being a preemie did. That's what happens sometimes. I don't EVER want someone to imply to me or another mother again that maybe their child stopped breathing because they bottle fed. STOP THAT. RIGHT NOW. STOP MOMMY SHAMING!!!!!
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